happiness

So lately I have just been happy. I mean, I've been stressed, I've been busy, but deep down I'm not letting anything keep me down. For real. I'm realizing that all I need to do is surround myself with positive people, and at this point in my life, I can be picky and choosy. It's actually a choice.

It was so nice to drive down to Key West and reconnect with my uncle for Spring Break. I love road trips. I think it's the best way to travel. You get to see all the scenery, stop at random places, and be your own conductor. I mean, I-95 isn't exactly the unspoiled landscape I'm talking about--I'm speaking about out west. But at least driving south, Syracuse to Key West, you're driving directly into sunshine! Definitely what I have been missing. Maybe I'm just still high off the sun...

I had my first more or less "real" interview/portfolio review with some Syracuse ID alums this past weekend. After being up all night finishing my portfolio, or more like pretty much staying up all night for no good reason, I literally ran to get it printed in the morning. And I still have shin splints. But I mean I was running uphill through fresh, untouched snow in Thornden Park, in what seemed like slow motion, at least for my tired body.

It was sad though, because the weather had been getting warmer, and earthworms were starting to come out. When I was running through the park, all the earthworms had made their way to the surface of the snow and they seemed to be shriveling and scrambling about with no escape. Poor dead earthworms.

Anyway, my first two interviews did not go too well. The first one was just okay, which was expected. But the second one, oh man! The guy kept talking and giving me advice and he was nice and all but maybe my tiredness was catching up on me but I felt like totally tweaking out! He was like giving me an extreme anxiety attack and I didn't even want to show him any more of my work. When he asked me "So what are you interested in?" "What do you think are your strengths and weaknesses?" I was like "OH GOD! What am I interested in? What are my strengths and weaknesses!" I seriously did not know the answers or how to respond. So then when it was over I ran home and cried and took a nap. When I came back to studio for my last two, they went so, so much better. I was just being myself. I am very uncomfortable with the whole selling yourself (more like whoring yourself) bullshit, but I think that maybe there are ways to do it Sarastyle. I just need to get some self-esteem, maybe then it'll be easier... and maybe I can figure out what I like and what I'm good at.